Target shooters are notorious for making excuses for their own shortcomings as marksmen. But every so often circumstances and fate conspire to rob us of that perfect ten we know we would have shot if only. Problem being our mates are so used to our excuses they refuse to believe us! So for all of those unfortunate souls who have been made to look silly through no fault of their own, here is the perfect opportunity to state your case without fear of derision. We'll believe you! We'll even accept pseudonyms!
1. Email your "likely story" to Warren.
2. Your story should be true and accurate. Failing that it should be entertaining.
3. We will post new stories every couple of days.
4. Stories starting, "It was a dark and stormy night" will probably be excluded.
I'm not too proud so I'll start the ball rolling. Not my best excuse, but my latest, still fresh in my mind at last weekend's Open shoot at Beaudesert in Centre Fire Rapid stage.
I was testing a Hammerli 280 that I've sold to a customer in Sydney. My precision score was fairly ordinary, as after an all nighter I turned up on the line fifteen minutes late just as sighters were being patched. That's not the excuse, just setting the scene. I was eight points down going into the rapid section, but had to wait until later in the day to shoot the second half of the match.
So with nothing to lose I shot my sighters. I'm not much good at the rapid stage (we used to call it "duelling"), but was on fire through the sighters with a tightly grouped 49/50. It's a hot range, facing the afternoon sun, and remember we're coming into summer here. Beaudesert is infamous for its flies, and I was about to have an encounter with one. For my fourth shot I raised the pistol to be confronted with a hairy black rear sight. The fly was sitting across the sight, blocking out the U and any chance I had of picking up my front sight. With little choice (having only 3 seconds to get the shot away or lose 10 points) I raised the muzzle to find the front sight and pulled the trigger.
That's how I came to have three tens, a nine and a five at twelve o'clock (only just inside the scoring rings), to the amusement of all around. NONE of whom believed it was caused by a fly. But I only dropped seven points in the next 25 shots to beat the mongrels.
- Warren Potter
A bug flew up my nose
An ant bit me on the butt
Lunch gave me the cramps
There was a rock in my shoe
RMW
Did you ever have a few drinks of alcholic beverage, and then be walking
along and fall down. Well there is a reason for this. Gravity wells. High
concentrations of gravity that exert a tremendous downward force. These
gravity wells know no geographic limitations. You can find them everywhere.
There's no way to see them, or to test for their presence. So sometimes our
shots are affected by the proximity of the target to a gravity well. One of
the mysteries of the physical world, these gravity wells do seem to migrate.
Evidenced by another shooter shooting form the same station and scoring
higher. Clearly the gravity well has moved. Happens here in Southwest
Missouri USA all the time.
Bubba
I was on the line recently, downwind from a shooter who was using PMC Scoremaster. In case you don't know PMC's blue box offering has a distinct odor, which I noted as I was shooting slowfire.
I shot a 9, followed by a 10 and I noticed a suble change to the odor. The
shooter had "cut one" thinking no one would notice. I lined up for another
10 and as I pondered his act, my concentration broke and I pushed a 6 at
high noon.
Larry L
I forgot to compensate for the natural rotation of the earth.
Mike B
Reason my last shot in rapid fire (22 cal) was a flyer? I didn't weigh that
bullet.
Bill in Pa.
This is not an excuse, this is the true reason I don't regularly shoot in the 580's: Unknown to me my CO2 tank was accidently filled with Nitrous Oxide. I started out with a string of 10's, then 9's, then 8's until after a while I wasn't even hitting the target. The strange thing is that by then every shot had me doubling over in laughter. By the end of the match I was shooting from the floor.
Fortunately for me in that match I was competing with Aussies and they were quite used to this sort of behavior. One of them was even using hydrogen as a compressed gas, oh the humanity...
Roly
The first time I fired 220 grain bullets from my 7pound 30-06. I fired from the sit, and as I squeezed the trigger I felt a tremendous push in the shoulder and realized that all I could see was the brim of my hat. I had brought my father along, and he said that it was funny as all heck. I had gone backward, but the hat stayed put.
Joe R.
Not a rifle shooting story but I was pheasant hunting with some friends in North Dakota last year and one of them brought a friend that was visiting from the UK (he had a very nice shotgun and was reputed to be a very good shot). After a series of misses on some easy birds, the fellow looked at me and said..."Well, I'm not from around here you know". I guess that one would work for almost any shooting sport.
Bill
Some excuses I, I mean others, have used:
These are new glasses.
These are new shooting glasses.
My son just told me he's getting married.
I grabbed the wrong pellets when I left the house.
I thought I put the sights back to where they were.
The guy shooting next to me needs a shower.
I can't concentrate when women are shooting with us.
Her perfume distracted me.
Tom
While shooting clay pidgeons with my older brother one day
he decided to give it a good fling with the spring loaded thrower.
As I yelled "pull!" he rared back and threw the pidgeon, at which
point the thrower flew out of his hand and proceeded to thump me
in the side of the head while I was trying to get a bead on the target.
I missed.
Marc
Gun must be dirty.
Trigger gritty.
Needs to be bedded.
I haven't really developed a load for this gun yet.
Cheap ammo.
John P
1.The guy next to me passed wind (gas). I then tried to figure out what he had for breakfast... and got distracted.
2.I put the pellet in backwards.
3.I put the pellet in sideways.
4.I had pellets from Big K mixed in with the MeisterK's.
5.The mere thought of Rosie O'Donnell sacred me.
6.The scope fogged over for a second...what...no scopes on airguns...maybe that's why ...I got the wrong gun.
7.Whadya mean ya kant use small primers, they fit!
:8.Felt pellets haven't got the velocity dat dem lead ones have.
9. .22cal pellets?
10. The dog puked on my gun right before I left for this match. I hate it when that happens.
Jeff
Several years ago at a handgun Silhouette match a shooter missed a very easy target. When he saw that I had seen him miss, he looked at me and calmly said that a cloud had got in his eye.
Bill
"You know, I'm better at moving targets... like fleeing felons..." - Bernard P. Fife -
Submitted by R Squared
When shooting in my bullseye league I had to take an alibi string after a misfire. For the alibi string I forgot to load a round into the chamber. This flustered me so much that I blew ALL FIVE shots in the string. (An alibi string is when you get to re-shoot a string of five shots after getting a misfire or gun malfunction)
Rudy
Let's see....these are some of the actual "reality adjustments" I've
heard from newbies at DCM/CMP Highpower Clinics!
1). "The barrel on my rifle's bent!"
2). "The barrel on that rifle's getting dirty, and accuracy's goin' to
hell!" (That one was to explain a berm-hit at 200 yds!)
3). "That's about as good as these old rifles'll shoot!"
4). (My personal favorite) "Anyone can hit that big old target, it takes
a real marksman to hit a itty-bitty sandbag on the berm!"
More advanced lies....errrr explanations! (I've used a couple of these
myself...and they were all true, I swear it!)
1). (Another personal favorite) "The rifle fired on the trigger's first
stage!"
2). "The bullet must'a hit a bug and deflected"
3). "That must'a been that 180 gr. bullet I dropped in the bullet box
and couldn't find!"
4). "Some geek must'a crossfired on my target!
5). "There just has to be a chip in the barrel throat" (This one is
right up there with a flat-rater telling the wife her car has a bad
muffler bearing!)
6). "My barrel must be bent!" (Some excuses are just too good to get
rid of!)
John
I just had a premonition that another democrat got elected,
and a chill ran through my body!
Old Crow
"They" told me not to shoot a perfect score on qualification in case I should
ever get sued.
Jerry
When upland bird hunting with a buddy:
"I nearly tripped over your damn dog!"
Bruce
If you're shooting a shotgun with reloads...
"I must have forgotten to put the shot in that one"
does a good job of explaining a miss.
Daniel
Bullet deflected by small meteorite shower, did you see that?
CtM
Well, I was shooting a qualifier once on sillhouettes. One of my
rounds went between the torso and the arm of the sillhouette. The
scorer asked what that round was, and I said, "Didn't you see the
SOB behind him! That is EXACTLY where I aimed it!" She said that
was the best excuse she had ever heard, but I didn't get credit
for the round :-(
Scott C
There was a weird planetary alignment and the gravity was momentarily
altered at the range.
I always use: "Must be a bad box of ammo"
Fake an "achoo" and claim your pal has something that you are alergic to
and you also sneezed when you squeezed the trigger.
Oh, sorry, I didn't know we were shooting at *THAT* target...
My eyes just aren't what they used to be
Is this a rental gun you handed me?!
I let my wife shoot this pistol, she messed it all up
Well, I'm used to shooting at MUCH farther distances, its been awhile
since I've shot at anything so close
Hmm, I must need some more oil on this thing
My right shoe is more worn than my left, the altered angle is throwing
off my aim
Must be the wind
(indoor range) Must be the air conditioner
(while shooting right handed) Ah well, I'm used to shooting left
handed... been swell gatta go! bye!
I'm used to the +P+P+P+P+P+ ammo, not this crappy target stuff
Wow, that last shot put some powder on my glasses, I couldn't see that
well
Uh, I just had my gun worked on, guess I'll have to take it back
I meant to do that, I was going to impress you and spell you name, I
just started the first letter!
I'm a Clinton, see there! These things are inaccurate and dangerous!
Why this ones going to the scrapper right now!
I was closing my eyes to practice night shooting. Not bad huh?
I'm still breaking it in!
-Bryan
For a low shot in offhand: my arches fell.
Doug
Rainy day, very brushy, saw fat barren doe browsing 20 feet away (yes,
feet, not yards, `cause the rain covered my scent and sound), wiped
eyes, aimed at point where neck meets chest (head on shot) for sure
heart shot, fired, doe turned and looked at me for a long long time. I
thought maybe I was dreaming and would wake any minute. I waited for her
to drop. Nothing. Finally she skipped lightly away. I look at my rear
sight. Nothing. Perfectly fine. Looked at front sight. Tiny piece of
twig just the width of the front blade stuck on by rain moisture exactly
aligned front to rear. I had shot low by far.
d'geezer
On my almost-four-year old's first trip to the range with me, Jesse had a
great time yelling "Ready, Set, GO!!" immediately after each shot was fired.
Talk about a rapid fire drill... :-)
John G
I was on my first deer hunt and the guy who invited me gut shot a 4 point. He
claimed that his aim was thrown off because someone in the back seat moved
while he was shooting out the front window of the double cab truck! I never
hunted with this bleeping, bleeping, bozo again!
RG
Was shooting rifle silhouette early in the match a horse fly bit me on the right cheek as I was aiming. So in order to practice safe gun handling, I swatted at it with left hand over my head. some how this "popped" my right shoulder. Pain there made me shoot bad rest of match.
Mark D.
I now shoot in two indoor leagues during the Winter, so I travel to some 20
clubs in two states. I have seen some "interesting" range conditions, but
none qualified for "excuse" status -- until last night.
The range, which I was told served as a Turkish bath in a former life, has
its firing line in the basement. It is reached by descending a narrow,
twisting stair into a cold, dank chamber. There are firing points to
either side of the stair, and I noticed that the right side of the line
filled up immediately. As I took my position at an open port on the left,
and set up my equipment, I did not suspect that I was about to learn the
reason for the popularity of the right side of the line.
Slow fire began without incident. My trigger finger had not yet gone
completely numb, and I was shooting not too poorly. Then, my whole world
began to toss as if I were standing on a ship at sea, as the plywood floor
flexed and undulated. As I aborted my shot, and put my pistol down, the
cause was obvious. The shooter to my left was adjusting his stance by
dancing from one foot to the other, doing a kind of shuffle. As he shifted
his weight, the entire floor responded with a rather dramatic movement,
reminiscent of a trampoline under a barrage of bowling balls.
Not wanting to whack him on the shoulder and ask him to keep still (rude),
I resigned myself to waiting for calm seas before breaking each shot. He
seemed to be having some difficulty getting comfortable, and did his stance
adjustment shuffle before nearly every shot. My result was a 93 with one
6, which I blame on my inexperience with shooting from an undulating
surface. My fault, really. Perhaps I'll buy a trampoline on which to
train for this.
Ah, and the right side of the range? I'm told the flooring is cement over
there.
-Mike D
I occasionaly like to plug one into the white part of the target, you
know, just to make sure the silly thing is working and spitting out
bullets like it's supposed to. I just can't tell 'cos there's just that
ragged little hole in the black part...
Andy
A famous Alte Deutsch (olde German) ditty about one's skill in shooting.
It goes:
Alle kunst ist unsonnst,
Wenn ein Engel in sein Zernloch brünst.
Trans. All skill is useless when an angel pees in your flintlock.
Benjamin.